Rules To Meeting The Parents

Meeting the parents can be scary, but it can also be exciting at the same time. Meeting your significant others parents is a big deal. Most people don’t tend to introduce the person they are dating to their parents until they are sure about the relationship. There are exceptions to this, but most of the time meeting the parents is the next step in the relationship. If you have made it this far congratulations!! Meeting the parents means that you are an important person in your significant others life and so they want to introduce you to the other important people in their life. Sometimes meeting the friends is more important than meeting the parents. If that is the case then these rules can be followed as well.

Here are a few simple rules to help get you started:

1.       Don’t freak out! Yes, it can be scary, but concentrate on the good things not the negative what if situations. Keep reminding yourself that your significant other wants you to meet them so they think that you are ready and it is the right time. Also remember that they don’t know you either so the parents will be just as nervous as you are.

2.       They want to meet you! This is a big one to remember and yet most of us forget this part. The parents want to get to know the person that their child is crazy about. Up until this point they only know you through what your significant other has told them. There is also a chance that your significant other has not told them anything so this is the opportunity for the parents to get to know you.

3.       Ask questions! Your significant other is a well of knowledge for you. This is your opportunity to learn as much as possible so you don’t go into this situation blind. Some good things to learn are what topics to stay away from. What their interests are so that if you share the same you will have some topics to talk about. Found out if there is any drama that you will need to stay away from. The last thing you want to do is put your foot in your mouth.

4.       Use basic manners! If you have perfect manners then great, you can skip the rest of this and go onto number five. The most basic manners are please and thank you. The issue that I have is not my please and thank you, it is swearing. I am a lady, but I tend to swear like a sailor. I know this is not a good thing and I need to be better about it, but around the parents it is a no no. Make sure to be respectful even if someone else is not. Extra brownie points if you offer to help, mothers love that.

5.       Know your audience! Two topics to stay away from as a general rule are politics and religion. If you know before hand, ask questions, that you share the same religious background or have the same opinions about politics then it is ok. Religion and politics can start a heated conversation, so if that is what you want then talk away.

6.       Be yourself!! This is the most important rule. Do not try and be the person that you think they want you to be. If you do this then you will come off as fake. Your significant other fell for you, not someone else. Let your personality shine through. If your significant other told their parents about you then they will be excited to meet YOU.

The best advise I can give is to go into the situation with an open mind and always be respectful. If you are relaxed and be yourself, I am sure their parents will fall in love with you as your significant other did.

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I just recently met my boyfriends’ parents, this Thanksgiving, and I can say that I was nervous, but I followed these rules and it went great. I can say that I wanted his mom to like me because he is close to his mom, but I didn’t change the way I did things, well I did not swear so for me that was a positive good life change. In my opinion things went really well, but just to make sure I asked my boyfriend and he said his mom liked me. I hope this helps you get through a scary situation.

Please share any rules or tips that would help others. The whole point of this is to share knowledge and help others get through life. Life can be hard so even a little help can make it easier.  

5 Ways To Help After A Disaster

When someone goes through a disaster there are so many things going on. The person who it is directly affecting has so much to think about all at once and those who care about them only want to help. Here is a list of things to keep in mind when wanting to help someone in need. I am writing these rules from my experience from the Paradise Camp Fire, but they can be translated over other disasters such as floods or earthquakes. I am not saying by any means that I am an expert in this type of situation, but I have seen from personal experience what it is like. So no this is now that “law” of what to do, but my opinion from experience.

  1. The first and most important thing to remember is that the person who is suffering has so much going through their mind that first day and the devastation of what has happened has not even sunk in. Do Not ask them what they need, because honestly, they don’t even know. They have not begun to think about the future and how-to re-build or deal with what has happened. If they lost someone, or a pet, there is so much more emotions there. The best thing to do is tell them that you care about them and that you will be there for them should they need support.
  2. Do not tell them that it is just stuff. Yes, that is a fact that it is stuff and that as long as their families are safe that is all that matters. The reality is that the “stuff” was years of their life that they built up through hard work and every item means something. People lose photos of family members, friends, and people they have cared about that are now gone. Sometimes people lose family heirlooms. Those items cannot be replaced. Things like clothes can be replaced, but have you ever thought about the cost of replacing a whole wardrobe? Just to give you an idea about what replacing a wardrobe would cost, underwear (5 for $20 x 2 = $40), shirts ($15 each on average x 10 = $150), pants ($20 each on average x 5 = $100), and pajamas ($20 each on average x 5 = $100). The total for 10 days is $490. The prices I quoted were from Target. I personally have never thought about having to replace my essentials so in making this and looking at the numbers it really opens my eyes to what additional stress has been put on everyone who lost everything.
  3. Be aware when you are donating items. When donating items to people in need make sure that it is actually items they need and you are not just giving them the stuff you meant to take to Goodwill and never did. The clothing items should be in good or like new conditions. Please do not give them items with holes, rips, or stains in them. They are trying to re-build their lives so give them items that will help them be successful in life. I know we all want to help that first day and do what we can, but remember that they maybe displaces and do not have somewhere to store all the items you want to give them. As time goes on they will need to replace everything so donations of big items at that point would be good. At first the best type of donations are cash, given directly to the person you know or a GoFundMe account, or gift cards for them to use to buy the items they need. Donating food is a good thing, but you don’t know what some people dietary needs are or any restriction that they may have and that is why gift cards or cash sometimes is a better option. If you are going to donate through an organization make sure you do research to find out how much of your donation is actually going to go to the people in need, you would be surprised how many organizations only give a small percentage of the donation to the people in need.
  4. Be that shoulder or support system for them. Losing everything causes to so much stress. If you can be their rock or a crutch to help hold them up it will help their situation even if they don’t realize it till later. Some things that you can do to help out. If they have children offer to watch their children so the adults can do something as simple as going to dinner together, this will allow the parents to talk candidly with each other and not worry about upsetting the kids. It will also give the adults time to stop and think about the situation. Even just watching their kids so the parents don’t have to worry about entertaining the kids is huge. You can also be their point person for other family members. It is a lot to handle when everyone is calling you non-stop asking if you are ok and what you need. You can be the person who calls the rest of the family and tells them that they are safe and what they do or do not need at that time. Also if they were evacuated and don’t know if they lost everything or not and then find out that they did lose everything you can be the one to call family members and tell them as it will be too emotional for them to articulate that to others. You can be the one to set up a GoFundMe account should that be needed. If someone is missing you can be the one to put that out on Facebook to try help. Always remember that to these people their whole world is crumbling down around them in that moment. They will have thoughts going through their head like why did this happen to us, how could I have prevented this, what will I do now, and where will I live now. If they have children there concern will be about what is best for the children. Going through something devastating is a trauma and never try to play that down. It will take a good amount of time for them to ever feel safe again. It will be something that they will never forget. Imagine going to bed every night wondering if a fire will come while they were sleeping and they would not be able to get out, now you know how they are feeling. Don’t tell them to be happy or not to be sad. Their feelings are valid and you cannot fix it for them. Just be there for them.
  5. Be creative with how you give back. There are so many more ways for you to be able to help without having to give money or donate your items. If you are unable to help financially you can always help with your time. If it is a large scale disaster you can volunteer to help at shelters, places that are housing displaces animals and people, places that are giving out food or clothing donations. Giving your time can be just as helpful as giving money; sometimes it is even more helpful. You can help clean up after a disaster; this is also an opportunity to be there emotionally for them, because as they go through the rubble they will get emotional. Let them feel what they are feeling, but hug them and tell them they are not alone and that they are loved. If you own a business you can offer your services or skills, such as free haircuts and blowouts, veterinary skills or nursing skills for injured animals and people. If you have a spare bedroom or extra room in your home you can help by giving them a warm safe place to sleep at night. They might have lost their car so you can offer to help by driving them around to where they need to be. There are so many things that can be done that do not have to be monetary donations.

The most important thing to remember is that emotions will be high and anything can set someone off and make them sad or even mad. Never tell them that it is not ok, because it is more than ok. Everyone copes in their own way, so even someone who seems like they are ok and put together may just be feeling like they need to be strong for everyone else, but when they are alone they break down. Know that no matter what someone says, even if they say they are fine, inside they are not, hug them and let them know they are not alone. Sometimes even that simple act can mean so much.

This is a safe space to share your experiences, to vent about your situation, or to offer your advice about what you may have experienced and how people can help so please feel free to comment on this post. If you need someone to talk to or vent to and you don’t want to do it publicly reach out to me by email and I can be that person for you.

Donations for Paradise Camp Fire

If you were looking for a place to make direct donations to the people of the Paradise Camp Fire you can do that here. Please do NOT feel like you have to donate here. I only put this here because I have had people emailing asking if I was taking donations. The money collected will be given directly to families from Paradise who are in need. I am not going to donate it to a foundation, as that involves to much paperwork and time for those families when they need help now, not later.

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Paradise “camp fire”

This was not a post I planned on making, but I need to. Today a fire ripped through Paradise Ca and basically leveled it. The fire is burning so fast, at a rate of 80 football fields a minute. People needed to get out of their house as fast as possible in order to stay alive. In order to get out of town people needed to drive down Skyway with flames on both sides of the road with wind blowing it across the road. As many people tried to escape their home to safely they were met with fire barriers and would have to find a parking lot to wait out the fire going across so they could leave. For many people this who situation has been terrifying. 

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So far, the fire has burned 20,000 ackers of land, but by the time you read this it will be more. Firefighters had stopped trying to battle the fire and were just concentrating on helping people get out safe. There are 2,289 fire personnel, 303 fire engines, 59 fire crews, and 11 helicopters to try and help battle this fire.

California-Wildfires

I have family and family friends who lived in Paradise. They are all safe, but they have lost their homes. Thankfully the most important things were saved, family members and pets. Right now, everyone who lived in Paradise are worried about friends, family, and making sure they all have places to sleep tonight. As time goes on, they will want to go back to their houses to see if anything was left. After that they will start to think about re-building.  

Fire 1

I have already started to think about the things that they will need in order to re-build. I am now collecting anything and everything that people can spare in order to help. Some of the most basic common things that are needed are clothing, food, and bedding. Because this fire spread so fast a lot of people were unable to collect some things. I am going to collect things and then next week bring them up to Chico for them to use and share with others who need it.

If you are interested in helping by donating items that you no longer need and you live in the bay area, CA please message me. My email is crystal.galati@gmail.com.

Welcome!

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Welcome to my first ever blog post!

I guess this is the part where I have to convince you why you should read my blog and take the time to keep coming back and reading it. I am not going to do that. What I will do is tell you what I am going to be putting in my blog, why I am writing it, and things that I am passionate about. If you find that you like what you see and want to keep reading then I invite you to come along for my journey.

I honestly have been thinking about writing a blog for three year now and am finally taking the jump into the unknown and doing it. There are a few reasons why I have been hesitant, but the biggest one is that I figured people wouldn’t care what I have to say. Over the years I have come to realize that is not the case. My friends have always come to me for advice. I never really thought about that as being significant, yet it is. They keep coming back to me for advice because I never tell them what they should do in any given situation. I am the person who will give you both sides of the situation so that you can make a clear educated decision. Most of the time we are unable to see another side of a situation or someone’s point of view. I have been there before and had a friend tell me I was being crazy because of whatever reason and then I have to take a step back and realize I was being crazy. If I had not proven to be someone to take advice from they would not keep coming back to me. There are times when they get frustrated because I would not make a decision for them, but in the end they are happy I did not. I could never tell someone what to do with their life, because I do not live their life. I do not have to live with the decision that is made, they do.

This blog was started as a way to share knowledge that I have. I do not know everything about everything, but the things I do know are significant and I know there are some people who will be able to relate to the things I have been through and will go through. I want people to be able to learn from my “mistakes” in life. I don’t really consider them mistakes though, because they have made me into the person that I am today and I love the person that I am. I will talk about life, love, and how to make the most of it. Some things I have been through and will write about:

  • My mother had a chronic illness and died young, but she taught me the best lesson about life in the world.
  • My father was not really a part of my life. To me he is a stranger, but we have been talking a little recently. I have the opportunity to learn why and who he is if I take the time.
  • I have been married and then got divorced, but I was able to find myself again through years of self-evaluation. I learned a lot of life lessons from this one.
  • I have had hip dysplasia for all of my life, until last year when I got a hip replacement. I had been in pain every day of my life until recently, and even still it comes and goes, but I will explain more later.
  • I found love again in the most unique situation and I can say I have never been happier in my life.

Some things that I am really passionate about are my friends and family first and foremost. I would not be the person that I am today without all of the amazing people in my life. Even the not so amazing people that have come and gone out of my life made me the person that I am. I have had the pleasure of making friends from all different types of backgrounds and who have all lived different situations and from that I have learned so many things about life. I have been blessed to grow up in such a beautiful place and I enjoy going out and seeing new things and just enjoying nature. I live near the beach and when I am having a bad day going down there and just listening to the ocean waves is so calming. Some of my hobbies include video games, crocheting, reading, and playing with makeup. I am a cosmetologist and I am always either doing someone’s hair or their makeup. Cosmetology is something that I love doing, but never got into doing professionally, but I will explain more in a later post.

So to wrap this up. My blog was started as a way to share my experiences and hopeful help someone learn from my past or just learn about life from a different prospective. If you have made it this far THANK YOU so much for sticking with me. My promise to you with this blog:

  • My posts will be unfiltered
  • I will never lie to you, even if it comes at my own embarrassment. Everything is a life lesson.
  • I will not sugar coat anything. I will always tell you like it is.
  • I will do my best to be consistent with posting, but life does happen.
  • Hopefully this blog will be entertaining to you.

My final thought I will leave you with: every connection, big or small, has an impact on our lives. Who knows maybe in reading my blog you will find something that will help benefit your life.

I would love to get to know you or what you are interested about hearing so comment down below!

With Love,

Crystal

*The picture represents life, difficult at times, but so worth it.