Sorry it has been a while. So much has gone on and I have learned so much about myself in that time. So where to begin………
Holidays are a time to spend with your family and friends. What I didn’t realize was that it could also be a time to self reflect and take an honest look at your situation. I ended up doing this without even realizing it. It can be a hard thing to sit down and ask yourself if you are happy. It could be happy in your personal life or happy in your professional life. I am very happy in my personal life, but I didn’t realize that as time has gone on I have been growing more and more unhappy in my professional life. You may be thinking “how would you not realize you were unhappy at work?”. That is a great question and I look at it like weight gain. When you start gaining weight it is slow and you may not notice it until one day your pants are really tight and you have to go out and get a bigger size. That is how it was for me. There were days that I got irritated, but I would brush it off as a bad day.
I took some time off for the holidays and during that time I spent a lot of time thinking about my job and how I felt in it. I found out that I let certain situations affect how I was professionally. I noticed that professionally I had regressed instead of growing. My guest service had gone down, where I didn’t even want to deal with people. That is not the person that I am. Before this I was the person who went out of their way to help people. The culture in my office was negative and I let myself fall into that frame of mind. Outside of work people would say that I am a very positive person, but at work I was negative about everything. I started being more vocal about things that I didn’t like. How did I get to this point?
In April 2017 I had hip replacement surgery. Before this time I was happy at work. I would wake up excited to go to work. After I came back from my surgery things changed. While I was out my assistant was assisting with some of my tasks, but when I came back I did not get those items back. Now I had less things to do for my job and started to feel out of place. I was told that my role in the company would change and that I would get a new title and a new job description. I waited two months and still had not heard any updated. At that point I reached out to see if that was still happening and was told that they were working on the job description and that I would get it when it was done. Another month after that I was told the job description was done, but not the title. When they finally decided on a title and presented it to me I was not happy about it because it was a step down from what I was doing, yet the amount of work was more than what I was doing. After discussions we all finally agreed on a title that worked for everyone. There were things in the job description that I was not doing before and we were going to discuss how we wanted things rolled out. Well months went by and there was not discussion about it. My title was changed, but my work had not. I was increasingly feeling more and more lost. I felt like I didn’t really have a place in the company and when I asked for more to do and a more defined role I kept being told they would get to it, but they were busy. As time went on the person above me no longer seemed to care about their job and were looking to leave. I ended up taking up the slack they they were letting fall. My role in the company ended up becoming a catch all. Basically if something needed to be done the attitude was “oh Crystal can do that”. That is not a good place to be in.
The holiday was a good break away from everything to take a look from the outside to see what was going on. I found out that I no longer wanted to be in that environment. We ended up getting someone to replace the person above me and this person had a lot that I could learn from. I started to get excited about my job again. Then that person was going to leave because of the culture in the company. Now I was ready to leave. Then something I never thought would happen, the company decided to change the culture and make it positive. I was now going to be given a new role in the company and because of that I got excited again.
I was excited, but I noticed that I would get irritated about things that would not normally affect me. Well I have come to realize maybe I can not let what I went through go quite as easily as I thought I could. This is something I need to deal with. I am still working on that for myself, but I have decided that I have the power to not let a company culture change the person I want to be.
This leads me to where I am now. I am excited about my new role, but I do still have a feeling of unease. I need to continue to work through that and figure out the true issues I am holding onto and learn how to let them go. If I can not do that then I need to do what is best for myself and for the company and that would be to leave. That is not the direction I want to go, but I need to check myself.
This blog will now have two parts to it. I will continue to write about life advise. Now though I have the opportunity to share my experience with starting a new job that I have not done before. I would say that I do not have the job knowledge to do my job, but I do have the skills to learn this job and to succeed in this job. I am now the Event Sales and Marketing Manager for my company. I will distinguish the life advise posts and the sales and marketing posts so that if you are not interested in both of them you can chose what to read. I can tell you that this will be an interesting journey I am embarking on. There are going to be two options for an outcome. I will either be very successful in this or I will fail at it. Failure is not a bad thing. Without failure we would never learn new things. I can admit when I have been defeated, but I don’t intend on having to do that with this journey. I can tell you there will be ups and downs, but it will be a fun ride.